I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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