For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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