I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
