Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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