he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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