I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
