The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
honey bunches of taint.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
