I can text with my tongue
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
