I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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