i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
