dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
