I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
