We're facebook friends in real life
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
