I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
