a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
