Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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