Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
