I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
