I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
