If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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