Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
