The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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