were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
