the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
