Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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