Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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