end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
