I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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