I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
