Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
