your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize