We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
