I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
