Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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