hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
