Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
