I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
