I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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