Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
