So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
