Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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