K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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