ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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