yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
