Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
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