Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
