Do you still have your period?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
