My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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