My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You've changed since you got that strap on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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