It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
