ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
