1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
