Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
