I showed him my bush... on skype.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
