Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
